The Price of Perfection
A couple years ago, an intriguing job opportunity came my way from a regarded private college in Maine (a place where I’ve often dreamed of living). They scheduled a full day of meetings with thirteen people in small groups, one after the other.
At one point, a department head—someone who would have been a peer—said, “As a team, we always strive for perfection.” The statement was proclaimed with pride, like a cultural expectation. And for me, coupled with other things I heard and experienced during my visit, it was a red flag big enough to remove myself from consideration.
And it wasn’t because I don’t care about quality. People who know me well would probably laugh at that thought.
They know I like things a certain way. That I’ll edit a document multiple times until it feels right. That I meticulously plan trips—including scheduled down time. That I think about my outfits and meals a week in advance.
These habits are not in service of perfection. They are in service of accuracy, quality, impact, and convenience—all things that are attainable, measurable, and meaningful to me. They bring me comfort, focus, and ease.
Perfection is different. It’s a moving target with no clear definition—a recipe for overwhelm, confusion, and the feeling of “never enough.”
Depleted, watercolor by Ian Mutton
What does “perfect” even look like across 13 different people? Across a board? Across a community? And what happens when those definitions don’t match? More important, what happens to the people trying to hit a standard that doesn’t exist?
Still, many leaders fall prey to this elusive master, even though it puts more weight on their shoulders and makes it harder for their teams to build confidence and momentum.
What I've noticed in my work with clients is that perfectionism tends to show up in how attached we are to an outcome. We hope:
the board will approve the plan.
the team will move forward without resistance.
the message will generate donations or engagement.
the decision will produce the result we’re counting on.
Underneath it all is a belief that if we just get it “right,” we can shape these outcomes. But the outcomes aren’t fully ours to control. Other people bring their own perspectives, priorities, and constraints. And no amount of refining can guarantee how something will be received or predict the other factors at play. At a certain point, continuing to perfect the work stops improving the outcome and just keeps our wheels spinning.
The thing is, you can achieve your outcomes without being perfect. So, if striving for perfection is what’s creating so much stress and guilt, what are we actually aiming for instead? This is where we make the shift.
Instead of using perfection as the standard, we begin to recognize when the work is doing what it needs to do—and allow it to move forward from there. We’re no longer striving toward something undefined. When we name something that is clear and measurable, we beat “perfect” every time.
And, God forbid, what if the outcome doesn’t turn out as planned? Instead of going into a shame spiral wondering which version of “perfect” you didn’t measure up to, move forward with the confidence that you learned something that might help next time.
Perfectionism is a tough knot to untangle. It’s something I talk about often with coaching clients, especially those leading growing teams or complex organizations. If you’re noticing this in your own work, I’m always happy to talk it through. Sometimes a short conversation is all it takes to see where things are getting stuck—and what would help you move forward with more clarity and less pressure.